Lately, that word has been carrying such a stigma with me as it surely does with anyone else that shares the same title. Such a dirty word, it's been. And I know some of you are asking, "How in the world can you hate the word SINGLE and you're the author of a blog all about singleness?" Well here's how...
Way back in April (oh my, it was so LONG ago), I made a pact with myself. I told myself that I would begin to enjoy this thing called the "single" life. I would NOT sit in my room, mope around about the have nots in my life and eventually, squat and rot. No! I said to myself that I would take hold of this place where I found myself and I would take advantage of it! I would live every SINGLE day that I possessed as if it were my last! I would look back, years from now, and say, "Wow. Those single years sure were some good times!". And I was convinced that this was the path to take! I was dedicated, determined and...dependable? Anyway, here I am...weeks down the line and I'm ONLY on way #4 (to be single) of a blog I started weeks ago! What happened, you ask? I'll tell you! In my journey to accept my position as single and use it to the Glory of God, I forgot to do one thing: ACCEPT IT. Being single never stopped being a dirty and shameful word to me. It never became a place that I (as Paul wrote) found myself "content". I just WAS there because it was the hand that I was dealt. And as soon as an alternate to living single became available, I practically JUMPED at it, not even taking a second look back at the world of Singledom. Well, things didn't work out and I found myself right back at square one...as MISERABLE and DISCONTENTED as I was before I started the blog. At the first test of true contentment, I failed miserably. That was my mistake. I never was content in the first place. I only played the part.
But that is going to change. "Why", you ask? Because I'm TAKING the word "single" and I am OWNING it. This may sound so trivial, but I am one of those people who will NOT put a relationship status up on Facebook. I use to think it was because I thought it was unnecessary to broadcast ones' relationship status or that it was a desperate attempt at finding a date on Facebook. But that wasn't it. I was only lying to myself. It was because I was ashamed of what I was and who I was: A single, 20-something year old in Atlanta, without a DATE to call her own and a possible future as a professional SINGLE. But I've learned something important. I've learned that in order to truly be happy in my singleness, I've got to actually use the word! I can't go around HIDING from this thing like it's some dirty disease, just waiting for a "cure"! I must be proud and wear it as my badge of honor. YES, I am single. YES, I am in full time ministry BECAUSE of that singleness! YES, I am waiting for the man that God made solely for me as my mate. And YES, I will live every moment of this single life like God has destined me to live it, unashamedly and PURPOSEFULLY for HIM.
I am Ashley and I. Am...SINGLE. Ahhh, LIBERATION.
Life it up!
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